It's a gray day. Not the greatest day for optimism. But I'm gonna wrap myself up in it anyway. It's all I can do right? I'd like to think so. I'd like to think a lot of things. There are many battles left to face. I'm only starting out. Things are going well so far, at least as well as they can. Luckily this time, instead of just saying I'm going to change some things for the better, I'm actually doing them and that feels great. It's enough to feel good about. But there's still something missing. And that's how it's going to be for a while. I wish I could change it, trust me, I've been trying to figure it out. If I had the power or the knowledge or the right words I would. It's like stepping through a minefield with a blindfold. You already lack the knowledge of where the danger is, the blindfold doesn't add any advantage for the field, it's just there to add an even greater sense of weakness...well that's a little cliche, probably going in the book haha, I'll have to come back and work on that one.
I know how I feel, I am aware of everything and I guess that's one battle I've got under control. Well I could ramble on and on and "woe is me" until I'm blue in the fingers, like the last couple weeks, but that's not how I feel these days. I'm glad I'm finally working on my fears and my childish tendencies. I'm glad I'm seeing the sunshine in the gray skies, as hard as that is to do. I feel like new things are on the horizon. Not necessarily better things, just new things. I'm going to be a better person in the long run. And that's the war I'm fighting. And I might just survive this one.
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