Adult entertainment

Porn itself has never been that exciting for me actually. I'm not going to say I've never watched and don't watch it every now and then, but I don't NEED to watch it all the damn time. Something about watching and not doing, is kinda boring. Wow, that makes me sound kind of like a douche but I mean that in a good way.

But anyway, so my roommate, with an excitement of a ten year old like it was Christmas morning, just told me Girls Gone Wild will be at a bar in Rockford. Ohhhhhh Lordy, my generation. It's interesting to think how this stuff is commonplace now when 50 years ago, most people wouldn't have dreamed of something like that. But there weren't DVDs and there wasn't the internet and computers in your home so I guess it's true, the times they are a changing. I can't bash them though, it's your life. If you want to buy them, "star" in them or whatever, you have every right to. It's just funny, whenever I see those commercials on, usually late at night, I actually have to turn them off. I'm just so, well I guess the closest word is embarrassed, for these girls. I'm a sexual being for sure, but I still respect women. And there is something about those GGW videos that just rubs me the wrong way....that's what she said. I'm not trying to stand on a moral soapbox here, it's just my opinion. I'm not saying anyone is sick or evil or wrong, it's just what I think. It's just porn. Anyway, enough on that subject because it's just odd to begin with.

I got the weirdest nights sleep last night. So many disturbing dreams. Not nightmares, just really sad images and an overall feeling of being bothered and uncomfortable. It was really strange. But there was some good ones thrown in there too so that helped. Either way, I still woke up at fucking 2:15. There goes my Saturday afternoon. Oh well.



"I'm learning to fly, but I aint got wings
And coming down is the hardest thing
Well the good ol' days may not return
The rocks might melt and the sea may burn..."

Tom Petty's the shit.

The Room

Tonight was definitely in my top five for hilarity and all around good times...until I think of better descriptors.

"For a second there I thought you disappeared
It rains a lot this time of year
And we both go together if one falls down
I talk out loud like you're still around

And I miss you
I'm going back home to the west coast
I wish you would have put yourself in my suitcase..."

Coconut Records-West Coast

I am thankful for this past year. I've learned more than I could have ever imagined.

I think it's because of this time last year. God I was so lost and sad in the car ride home from the bar last night, it just hit me out of no-where, in the weirdest way. I've been doing so much better than last year, christ I was a wreck, but I guess these nights will still pop up from time to time.

Impossible

I wish I could still take you on a tropical getaway. I wish I could spend the holidays with you. I wish a lot of things. But you know...what I wish the most, is that you know I will love you always, I love you with every inch of me. I love your flaws and I love your everything. There comes a timein everyones life where they meet the person that changes their life for the better. And even with all that's happened and this sappy slew of words, it all might fade but it will never go away. But jesus it's 1 am, and you dont need to see any of this. Sweet dreams.


"You've been my queen for longer than you know
My love for you has been
Every step I take, everyday I live, everything I see..."
-One Eskimo, Kandi

Hurricane of the mind and soul

"Every minute you spend angry, you lose a minute of happiness" -Ralph Waldo Emerson

He was a smart dude.

I'm not angry, just hurt. I've always thought I handled and expressed my emotions well, but that hasn't been the case. At least not in the past few years. Last winter I was a lot of things. I don't have to repeat them, nor do I want to. But one thing I never was, was angry.

"What's there to go back to huh!? I grew a forest for this and it was cut down to the roots. There are no more trees. There's nothing. So what's there to go back to huh? A desert?"

"Everyday is Doomsday"

The new AP song...

"It's so hard to wake up
When your blankets feel like they're made out of stone
I try to put my feet on the floor
But my carpet's turning into an ocean

All my time is spent indoors
And my walls
They shout and scream in the nighttime
Oh god I just need a good nights sleep

Why can't I just wake up?
I need to break free from the chains I put here on my own
Why can't I just wake up?
And shake off the dust I've been tossing and turning all night

I gotta wake up
'Cause it does me no good
To lay in this bed
And wait for the sun to reach me

So I slowly start to open up the blinds
And reach for the light
Open up the blinds
I reach for the light
To let the sunshine in

But I still get trapped wondering
About her life and what it'll bring
Though it tears me apart
I can't stop thinking about
Where she goes
And where she's been
And who's been sleeping in her bed..."

Addison Park-Everyday is Doomsday

A little late at night I'm afraid

"It's that time of year
Where the grass stops growing
When the snow starts falling
When the days get shorter
And the whiskey starts flowing

And my bed gets smaller
And I'd like you to be here
Because it's starting to look like last year..."

Love as a second language

Dudes, it's not that hard. You gotta treat your girl right. I'm not saying, and obviously I'm not, the most successful in this department, but jesus, it's not that hard. I'm definitely going to elaborate on this when it isn't three in the morning.


And now it's three in the morning...again. So all I can say is that, sometimes, and this is gonna sound weird, but you have to put aside your pride and your wants and commit yourself to what your partner wants. Again, this sounds kind of odd...fuck it it's too late again.

What can I compare you to, when everything looks like you?
I get a bit confused every spring
Flowers that bloom your eyes, hummingbirds side by side
My heart won't stay entirely in this rib caging...

Wow, after reading my blog I kept six years ago, I wish I could go back in time and kick myself in my own ass.

"Maybe this is one more storm to brave. And maybe we'll make it out, maybe we won't. But for you, it's always worth it. Being with you will always be worth any price or any pain or any thing."

More dreams.