The rhythm of the moment...

I need to write the song that I will sing to myself when I feel I'm not worthy. When I'm not strong enough. When I'm at the end of my rope. I need to write a song to sing to her to tell her everything is going to be alright, I'm a new man. I need to gather the notes and the key from who I am right now. I need to start listening to myself as I am right now. I need the rhythm of my heartbeat. I need all the strength I have within me. This means the world to me, nothing has ever made me happier. I need to sing the song that makes the world stop and mean something...because that's what she does for me.

New chapters

"Will you listen to my story?
It'll just be a minute
How can I explain?

What ever happened here
Never meant to hurt you
How could I cause you so much pain?

When I say I'm sorry
Will you believe me?
Listen to my story
Say you wont leave me
When I say I'm sorry
Can you forgive me?
When I say I'll always be there
Will you believe
Will you believe me?

All the words that I come up with
They're like gasoline on flames
There's no excuse
No explanation
Believe me
If I could I'd undo what I did wrong
I'd give away all that I own


If I told you
I've been cleaning my soul
And if I promised you
I'll regain control
Will you open your door
And let me in?
Take me for who I am
And not for who I've been?

Who I've been...

When I say I'm sorry
Can you forgive me?
When I say I'll always be there
Will you believe?"

Daughtry-Sorry


I just can't believe what I've done. The saddest and most sickening part is sometimes, I would forget I ever did it. I was too caught up in her. I need to realize that she loves me for me and who I am, not what I think I NEED to be. But that might change and I have to accept that. I wouldn't blame her.

Powder keg

If I could go one day without saying or doing the wrong thing, I'd be the happiest man on the planet.

Building a ship just to watch it sink

The boards are coming together and the sail is cut. The crew is picked out, a long list of potential travelers cut down to a short few. When it's finished it will sail across the world through storms and calm waters. But for some reason I don't want to leave the beach, the solid ground, the dry soil I'm used to. I can't face the horizons. I can't come to grasp the ocean breeze. The weight of the water and the darkness and the uncertainty is too much for the ship to hold. Why can't I move forward in life? Yea I'm comfortable, but what's the fucking point? It's just an excuse is what it is. And that sickens me. I can't take myself sometimes. I'm just constantly treading water. I need to jump up and swim. I need to change. I need to be everything I choose not to be. It's the hardest god damned thing in the world. I've been trying to be better than I am since day one and I've made little progress. It's time to shape up or ship out. I need to feel the sun illuminate my body from inside and out.