If we go down, we go down together, best friends means...

I am so fucking sick of this. I get so upset over the littlest things and for what? Someone who could care less. Someone who that, even if I did express my frustration, would pass it off and blame me anyway. So I'm done. I'm done over-thinking this. Done trying to be a best friend to someone who let's me phase in and out of their life whenever it's convenient for them. It's always about you and your life. I've fallen in, out, and back into love and you have no idea what that means to me because you never give a shit. The stress about my future, my job, none of it matters to you at all because it's not YOUR job or YOUR future or YOUR stress.

And yes, maybe I'm to blame too. There was a time before when we had a falling out and I made some bad choices and I'd give anything to take them back. I know sometimes I disappear for no good reason but at least I always return with the same belief that our friendship is strong and that you've got my back. It's so sad that that has changed and that I can't rely on my best friend for anything consistent these days. I just want it to be like when we were younger and so excited about the world and what it had to bring. And now you can't see any beauty, any passion, life is all one sarcastic joke to you. Evereything is never cool enough, or ironic enough. Well we make our own lives, we fill it with what we want to see. And I want to see the sun and the good in everyone and that all things can work out if we want them too. And maybe this online proclamation of my anger and sadness is childish and cold, but to be honest, I could care less.