Well, today I did something that may be stupid, may be unnecessary, probably agitating and maybe even more so hurtful. But it's the only thing that made sense to do. I've been really good about leaving her life alone. Three years ago I would have been so desperate, I would have pushed her away so fast. But every time since she ended things, it's been her that's contacted me. Mostly it was about getting my stuff from her place, I get that. And it was my own wishful thinking that got in the way of the true meaning of all those calls and messages. Nothing. It was nothing. Anytime she's contacted me, it was just to get something she needed and then she was gone. Leaving me with a sense of "This could have been..." Well now I get some power. I get some say. I'd never know if I didn't send it. Or maybe I would have. Maybe I didn't need to send anything, it would have worked out on its own. Well, tha's the gamble I take. I think I've earned it.
I never got a chance to say anything on the matter of our relationship ending for good. How could I? So I'm not looking back on what I sent. It needed to be sent. It was consuming every waking moment of my days. I've never felt more free.
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