Snow is here. Hooray! I'm not that excited about it, but there is something bigger that the presence of the snow represents. It's a challenge. A challenge for me not to hide this winter. To keep the attitude of bettering myself constant through this usually horrible time. That's why I'm sort of excited about the snow. It'll be a nice change I think. I've lived the past seven or eight years hating the winter, it might be nice for me to welcome it. The nights will be long. Not looking forward to that.
I'm still sad, but it's different. When I used to get sad, I would beat myself up, I would think the world was ending and it was my doing and that made everything worse, it affected everyone around me too, in a bad way. These days I'm sad for my lose, I miss it so much but I'm not beating up myself over it. I'm not killing myself over it. Sure I've written here (maybe too much haha) that I need to change, I need to repair and that's true, I have become somewhat of a different person, but making things better will help everything. I know that sounds confusing but it makes sense. I can handle things differently now.
I'd just like to think of this as a time I can take this season and build a stronger everything. Winter is known to make things cold and brittle and miserable. Well, maybe I can use that to my advantage, when my body breaks, build it back better. When my mind is cloudy, the storm will settle and it will be clearer. When my heart and soul are frozen solid, the ice will melt and they will be stronger. That's what I'm excited about this winter. It's almost perfect. Almost.
"It sure been a hard, hard winter
My feet been draggin' across the ground
And I hope it's gonna be a long hot summer
And a lotta love will be burnin' bright"
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