Lots to do today. But here I sit. Oh well. The one thing on my mind is that I can't wait to get myself better mentally. Recently I've had my eyes open to how badly I can be self-destructive. Self-destructive to my relationships and friends and family. I know I sound like a broken record. But back then I thought it was just being moody. But I now realize there's is something seriously wrong with how my thought process works. She loved me anyway. She saw it and I did nothing. Did nothing to fix it. Well I think that's why I'm so excited. There's a sadness that comes with that excitement but I can't wait to make things better for me. And hopefully for her. I hope she'll know that I finally did it. Like I said yesterday, I feel selfish for thinking I was so hurt. Even though she says she never thinks of me as being mean, that doesn't mean I never hurt her. I'm the same guy I was two years ago, but it's different. I get so manic/depressive sometimes. I blow up and get sad over nothing. That can't be fun to be with. I've lost that spark I think, I focused too much on everything and didn't just love and let it flow. I wish we could try, just like caring for a plant. I put her through some hell and I spent that time thinking I was the victim. But anyway, it's a sunny day and there's much to do.
"If a plant is not given the nutrients it needs to survive , it will die. But even a wilted plant can come back to life if given sunlight, water and healthy soil."
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