I wish I could just say the right words and do the right things all the time. I know there are people out there that can and do and it makes me nervous.

I wish I could just shut my brain off.

"Watch you from the one's to two's
From a window in a well lit room
Become a recluse and I blame myself
Cause I make things harder I'm just trying to help..."

A living door mat

Please someone tell me what to do...

Bloooooooah

I'll tell you a story if you'll listen
If you don't know where you're life should go
Raise your minds and your hearts will follow
It's written in the falling snow

Have you ever felt like a bird
That missed its flight down south?
Flying through the cold and biting winter
Trying to grasp what your life is all about

And in the trees, they listen
They have their time to bloom and grow
And I've been such a horrible example
Of how a person should learn to love their life

To be completely honest
I haven't got a god damn clue
To be there for anyone
Other than myself and it rips me apart at the seams

Well then...

I'm just a train wreck and she doesn't deserve to be hurt because I'm a fucking idiot.

The rhythm of the moment...

I need to write the song that I will sing to myself when I feel I'm not worthy. When I'm not strong enough. When I'm at the end of my rope. I need to write a song to sing to her to tell her everything is going to be alright, I'm a new man. I need to gather the notes and the key from who I am right now. I need to start listening to myself as I am right now. I need the rhythm of my heartbeat. I need all the strength I have within me. This means the world to me, nothing has ever made me happier. I need to sing the song that makes the world stop and mean something...because that's what she does for me.

New chapters

"Will you listen to my story?
It'll just be a minute
How can I explain?

What ever happened here
Never meant to hurt you
How could I cause you so much pain?

When I say I'm sorry
Will you believe me?
Listen to my story
Say you wont leave me
When I say I'm sorry
Can you forgive me?
When I say I'll always be there
Will you believe
Will you believe me?

All the words that I come up with
They're like gasoline on flames
There's no excuse
No explanation
Believe me
If I could I'd undo what I did wrong
I'd give away all that I own


If I told you
I've been cleaning my soul
And if I promised you
I'll regain control
Will you open your door
And let me in?
Take me for who I am
And not for who I've been?

Who I've been...

When I say I'm sorry
Can you forgive me?
When I say I'll always be there
Will you believe?"

Daughtry-Sorry


I just can't believe what I've done. The saddest and most sickening part is sometimes, I would forget I ever did it. I was too caught up in her. I need to realize that she loves me for me and who I am, not what I think I NEED to be. But that might change and I have to accept that. I wouldn't blame her.

Powder keg

If I could go one day without saying or doing the wrong thing, I'd be the happiest man on the planet.

Building a ship just to watch it sink

The boards are coming together and the sail is cut. The crew is picked out, a long list of potential travelers cut down to a short few. When it's finished it will sail across the world through storms and calm waters. But for some reason I don't want to leave the beach, the solid ground, the dry soil I'm used to. I can't face the horizons. I can't come to grasp the ocean breeze. The weight of the water and the darkness and the uncertainty is too much for the ship to hold. Why can't I move forward in life? Yea I'm comfortable, but what's the fucking point? It's just an excuse is what it is. And that sickens me. I can't take myself sometimes. I'm just constantly treading water. I need to jump up and swim. I need to change. I need to be everything I choose not to be. It's the hardest god damned thing in the world. I've been trying to be better than I am since day one and I've made little progress. It's time to shape up or ship out. I need to feel the sun illuminate my body from inside and out.