Storms

So maybe I've already been here before. Maybe I've said these words before, always too soon and never with the right meaning I have in my mind, where they started from. Even now as I ramble about some words that I have perfectly constructed into a picture in my head, it comes out as a mess. Maybe it's because I'm just so excited to share what I've thought about. Maybe I try too hard without keeping my feet on the ground. Maybe I should think of things differently sometimes. Because maybe real life isn't like the world I day-dream in sometimes. Maybe other people have tried what we are trying and failed. Maybe they didn't believe in it strongly enough. Maybe they did, and it just didn't work. Sometimes it happens. And maybe I'm always a little too serious. Well, I know I'm too serious sometimes. So let me be serious one last time, at least for a while. Maybe this is all crazy. But maybe we can be happy. Maybe this is what it takes sometimes. Maybe this is what they write stories about, movies about. Maybe this is the story grandparents tell to their grandkids about how this all used to be. I hope so. Maybe this is one more storm to brave. And maybe we'll make it out, maybe we won't. But for you, it's always worth it. Being with you will always be worth any price or any pain or any thing. Alright, enough of that.

I have to float back down to the earth once in awhile, I get too caught up looking at how beautiful the sky is. But I think sometimes, it's nice to look at life that way, like nothing bad is going to happen because from where you're standing, everything in life is just gorgeous. We all need a little light like that sometimes. So I promise to keep my feet on the ground while I look at the sky if you promise to spend a little time with me in the clouds...

I've thought about this for so long...

All I wanted was you. That was all I could think about, dream about, talk about. And now, its happening. To me, it's like the last 5 months were pointless. All of the worry, all of the obsessing, gone, within a week. It's a surreal feeling. I'm just trying to catch up on all of the things I've missed. It's like a mountain for me. There are so many thoughts still lingering, so many of them about the future, but so many of them about you. All I wanted was to be with you and now that it's happening, I just have to pinch myself every second.

Stop

I hate and love how pathetic and happy I've been these past two months.

Damn the night-time

She dreams about me, but I dream about her.

All I wanted was you...

These past three weeks have just been...amazing, to say the least. It's good to know, my old self is still around. I can be happy. I can be myself. It's a great feeling. But more on that later.

Yes ma'am

I met a girl, I met a girl, I met a girl hey hey hey

Please...

Wow

So it's my 21st birthday in my dream last night, and I'm in a room with everyone from both Friday's (where I work currently) and CPK (where I worked at the time of my 21st). So we're in this huge banquet hall with these open windows that are about two stories high. The sun is out, but it's really dark in the room. So the DJ is playing something, like a soundtrack for a little kids' birthday. So we all decide it's lame and gather our shit and start walking out. Well the DJ says, well, more-so screams "You leave now, the day was for nothing and the nights will kill you!" Weird. So anyway, that was done.

So now I'm in this really weird house. The basement was not very wide but incredibly long (that's what she said). And there are all of these women directing all of these men in building something, it was never really clear. Then all of a sudden, everyone is ordering me to have sex with this chick, had no idea who she was. But in the dream I just ran, bolted out the door, which makes sense, because...

The next part of my dream, I'm in the southwestern part of the united states, there's red rocks, cacti, sand, the works. So I'm sitting in this really small bar, kind of a hole in the wall and I see Kate sitting at the other end of the bar. I don't think she sees me and I think "Would it even matter?" to myself. So this man comes up to me and pulls me into an alley and hands me this huge bomb and says I need to set it up against this wall and push a button (on said wall). He says it has to be done and there's nothing I can do, everyone in this little town or whatever will die. So I run into the bar and run up to Kate and she starts crying and we kiss. She says she heard about everything. So I'm out in the alley with a bunch of people from the town and Kate about to push the button, when the same dude who gave me my "mission" comes out of no where and knocks us all unconscious. Kate wakes up in my arms in a helicopter as we are flying away, we look back and see a huge explosion.


The End.


It was one of the most vivid dreams I've ever had in my entire life. It felt like it lasted the entire time I was asleep.

Last night was a fucking blast. I haven't had that much fun a a little while. That's probably why my dreams were a little fucked up.

Let me be cliche for a moment. Life will not always be easy. This we know. There will be times in the dark when you need some light. Times in the cold when you need some warmth. Times by yourself when you need some comfort. Times when your head is about to cave in when all you need is to be free of what life is giving you. But without all of that, who are we really? If life teaches you anything, it's that the back-breaking moments, the moments that are horrible, or even slightly annoying, always pass. Big or small, they always pass. Life is a glorious thing. And when we work for what we believe in, it will always reveal itself. Call it fate, call it the universe's plan, call it whatever you want, but it happens. So the next time even the smallest thing makes you unhappy, makes you feel agitated, makes the happiness leave for even a moment, know that you will do wonderful things in the life you live. It doesn't matter who you are, it doesn't matter if you think there is something about you that will hold you back, it doesn't matter if you don't do things like other people. It doesn't matter. Fill this life you live with beauty, with passion. Do this, and everything will be okay, even if it seems that's the farthest thing from you right now. If you can learn anything, learn this.

Your move destiny

Well, today I did something that may be stupid, may be unnecessary, probably agitating and maybe even more so hurtful. But it's the only thing that made sense to do. I've been really good about leaving her life alone. Three years ago I would have been so desperate, I would have pushed her away so fast. But every time since she ended things, it's been her that's contacted me. Mostly it was about getting my stuff from her place, I get that. And it was my own wishful thinking that got in the way of the true meaning of all those calls and messages. Nothing. It was nothing. Anytime she's contacted me, it was just to get something she needed and then she was gone. Leaving me with a sense of "This could have been..." Well now I get some power. I get some say. I'd never know if I didn't send it. Or maybe I would have. Maybe I didn't need to send anything, it would have worked out on its own. Well, tha's the gamble I take. I think I've earned it.

I never got a chance to say anything on the matter of our relationship ending for good. How could I? So I'm not looking back on what I sent. It needed to be sent. It was consuming every waking moment of my days. I've never felt more free.